I quote Lao-Tsu in my journey to self healing. I must begin with a single step. I already took the first step, and that is to “COMMIT”. I became committed to my self healing and to the healing of my marriage with my dearest husband. I believe that in order to move forward I must begin to heal, and no better way to start healing than acceptance.
I accepted the fact that bad things happened to my marriage and that it’s not the end of the world as they say it. As always, I have been reading books, listening to podcast, reading other betrayed spouse’s blogs and articles regarding affairs. They all say the same thing, and they all mean the same thing. I can only be in control of myself, of my feelings, of the way I think, MYSELF and no one else’s. It’s an absolute truth, and in this time where I doubt the truth, this is the only thing that I could put my faith into.
I choose not to wait for 2 or 3 years to heal. That is just too long. If I can have total control of myself and that would help to heal me faster, then I would rather do that and be over with this pain, than prolong it for nothing. I choose not to blame anyone anymore, I choose to just face the problem at value without passing the ball to anyone. I don’t blame myself for what happened, nor my husband for his choices and actions or the other woman. But not blaming anyone doesn’t mean that I’m agreeing to what happened. I simply choose to accept that things did happen and there’s no other way to take it back, therefore, there’s no other way but to move forward, always forward.
I can only look back and learn, and move on. I cannot erase the past, but by accepting the past I can face the future with a determination to make it better than yesterday and definitely much brighter than today. I will get everything that I can from this experience for what it’s worth. I choose to learn, and accept then forgive.
I am now taking my first step towards a very long journey. A journey to finding back my own happy ever after. I hope that at the end of the road is a loving heart that waits for me, be it a prince or a frog, so long as it’s no longer a wicked witch.